Phil Factor

Phil Factor (real name withheld to protect the guilty), aka Database Mole, has 40 years of experience with database-intensive applications. Despite having once been shouted at by a furious Bill Gates at an exhibition in the early 1980s, he has remained resolutely anonymous throughout his career. See also :

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03 November 2006
03 November 2006

The Terror of Technical Tests

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After all the years I’ve spent working with databases, I am continually shocked by how little I know. The power and facilities of relational databases have increased enormously, and we struggle to keep up. One has, of necessity, to spend an increasing portion of the working day in retraining. To a hard-pressed project manager, time … Read more
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20 October 2006
20 October 2006

Lament

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It was just after I’d written the ‘Yancey Men’ article for Simple Talk that I came across the following verses which, I think, first appeared in Punch magazine. It was written after the poet,Wyndham Lewis, came across a court report in which one of the directors of a rather shady city company was recorded to … Read more
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13 September 2006
13 September 2006

The Acronym Playpen

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Sometimes, one of the most relevant skills that a developer needs to have, when working in the corporate environment, is to know how and when to bend the rules. A major high-street bank once offered me a completely impossible design brief. As I was being paid by the hour I took it gladly. The brief … Read more
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01 September 2006
01 September 2006

The Sticking Page-Down-Key Incident

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Most software projects seem to go on an emotional roller-coaster voyage. Initial euphoria soon fades into confusion, followed by despair. If a project is going to succeed in reaching port, despair is followed by a consensus decision to save as much as possible from the wreckage of the initial ‘vision’. Maybe I’m unlucky, but I’ve … Read more
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28 August 2006
28 August 2006

The Septic Tank

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Once, whilst I was working for a large international enterprise, I received a company edict, from the IT director, that two megabytes of memory were sufficient to run Windows-based PCs. So firm was this edict that it was made it part of corporate IT strategy. PCs were not to be purchased with more than two … Read more
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03 August 2006
03 August 2006

The Joy Of IT Meetings

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As the average concentration span of the adult human is less than forty minutes, I have always puzzled over the reason why meetings last any longer than this, particularly in IT where the concentration span strains to reach these giddy lengths. You will be astonished to know that there is actually a correct way to … Read more
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13 July 2006
13 July 2006

The Simple Talk SQL Prettifier

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(n.b. The prettifier is now on version 1.5 and is used by the editor and other contributors on this site to prepare code for publication. the link below has been updated to lead you to the latest version) With this BLOG entry we launch the Simple-Talk SQL Prettifier. This takes SQL code and turns it … Read more
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28 June 2006
28 June 2006

Third-party tools for the Database developer

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I suspect that many database developers use other applications to extend the use of the SQL Server system. I like using Windows Scripting resources such as the Scripting.FileSystemObject COM objects within stored procedures, and find such mundane command-line tools as Type, FTP and Xcopy of great use, when called via XP_cmdshell. I would like, of … Read more
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13 June 2006
13 June 2006

The DBA’s Demise: a recitation.

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On a doorway in DoverI once stumbled overa programmer wrapped in a sheetThis poor prostrate nerddidn’t utter a word as he lay there half-blocking the street “From your face I can seethat you work in ITwhat has brought you to this sorry state?”This poor wretched geekthen started to speakand told me his terrible fate Cruel … Read more
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10 June 2006
10 June 2006

The Stepford Geeks

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I was getting stuck into writing an article on interviews for IT jobs the other day. You know the sort of thing, what to wear, how to prepare your self, what to say when asked the typical questions, and the sort of questions to ask at the end. It then suddenly struck me that I … Read more
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26 May 2006
26 May 2006

Talking Technical

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Developers, programmers and designers tend to be deeply geeky types, immersed in the minutiae of the technology. In stark contrast, many IT managers appear to have difficulty working the remote controls on their television. This cultural gap between the foot soldier and officer classes of the IT industry can have interesting consequences.… Read more
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