“Too many developers run their lives as though there was a celestial ‘Undo’ button.”

“The IT Manager’s job is to produce long words to cover up the mistakes of his staff”

“Developers have knowledge but can’t express it, whereas trainers have none, but can’t stop.”

“DBAs do not die, they are just dropped by The Superuser”

“‘Books-On-Line’ remembers the details, so I don’t have to”.

“An onion will make you cry, but your manager is the only vegetable that can make you laugh”

“That aint a database, it’s a spreadsheet!”

“God created Embedded SQL to torment DBAs for their sins.”

“When visited by the IT director, we all expected him to sit on his elbow.”

“In the middle of the crowded railway carriage, he farted. He just said ‘Rollback’, and we all knew he was a DBA.”

“If someone says ‘To be perfectly honest…’, then hurriedly count your spoons.”

“As a programmer, I attribute my successes to jogging, abstinence and fasting. I’ve never done any of them.”

“The act of prayer should never be like negotiating a service-level agreement with God.”

“Cursors were created tongue-in cheek, but procedural progammers didn’t understand the joke.”

“A DBA should always stand up to programmers, the worm may turn, but the other side is pretty similar.”

“Software companies that plagiarise the work of others are always the most suspicious of being plagiarised”

“In programming, it is wiser to profit from good advice than to give it.”

“The only people who are confident that they understand IT issues are the senior management.”

“God sends us the data, the devil gives us the DBAs”

“A database is a rational logical universe. The DBA, however, may still believe in the tooth faries”

“A good way of flattering a manager is to praise him for always detecting flattery.”

“DBAs don’t grow old, they merely lose their row locks”

“It is better to understand a small section of BOL than to misunderstand all of it.”

“The first mistake a DBA makes is in becoming one.”

“To discover a programmers faults, praise him to his team-members.”

“The best way of punishing a development team is to have it managed by a programmer.”

“Jesus was the first financial DBA: he upset the tables of the moneylenders.”

“Blogging technology has created a new form of literature: write-only.”

“The myth that only twenty-something males can develop software is as dangerous as the idea that only girls can reverse cars.”