I was getting stuck into writing an article on interviews for IT jobs the other day. You know the sort of thing, what to wear, how to prepare your self, what to say when asked the typical questions, and the sort of questions to ask at the end. It then suddenly struck me that I had failed in almost every interview I had been on, and therefore have no right to pass on any tips. I once even failed an interview for a job I was already doing, and doing to everyone’s satisfaction. (Perhaps one day I should write up that particular ghastly experience.) On another occasion, I went for an interview with a bank in the Docklands, and thought I’d done pretty well. When I phoned the agency the following day, they passed on the feedback they’d received, which was that, whilst I seemed to know my stuff, they felt that I was the most arrogant and conceited person they’d ever interviewed, and they were sure that the department would be in open revolt if I were appointed to the job. ‘Does that mean I didn’t get the job? I replied, jokingly.

After several similar experiences I began to believe in a God whose primary mission was to teach mankind humility even if it killed them, which it invariably did.

By far the most curious failure I ever had was with a large insurance company in the Midlands of the UK.  At that time, I had morphed into an expert on ‘Business Re-engineering’, which was the current craze at the time. I suppose that Database work was a bit slack at the time. The agency told me that this company had decided that it was missing out on this wonderful Reengineering lark they’d read so much about and wished to recruit an expert to their team to guide the process.

An agency phoned me up asking if I’d like to go for an interview with this company, as my CV seemed impressive. (All CVs ‘seem impressive’ when agencies want you to do something for them). So it was that, dressed in the standard sober charcoal-grey suit, with subtle pinstripes and black shoes, looking every inch the part, I strode into the IT department for the interview.

 I was greeted by a very pleasant young chap, who gave me a preliminary interview and, when I started to explain about my experiences with the whole process of ‘Business Reengineering’ excused himself to bring a couple of his colleagues into the room.

Dammit, Stepford Geeks. By some strange Darwinian process, young IT people have evolved a curious sameness, like lizards in the Galapagos. They beamed across the table at me in unison. They were pleasant and very keen to find out from me about Business Re-engineering.

I love a receptive audience, and all my caution flew out the window as I launched into an exposition on the entire IT involvement in a Business Re-engineering. As I had recently written a book-length training document on the subject it wasn’t too hard.

I suppose I should have become suspicious at the extent of their note taking, but I was in full song, and going down strong. Two more colleagues came in after another quarter hour and the five paused only to put down their pens after my masterly exposition before launching into a series of penetrating questions that I fielded like WG Grace at the crease. The whiteboards in the room were soon filled with process diagrams as, with my face flushed with the enthusiasm that only comes with an appreciative audience, I gave them the benefit of my knowledge with both barrels. I remember vividly that, when I’d finished, one of them began to clap before being shushed by a colleague.

After the interview they lined up by my car, and shook my hand warmly whilst mustering a heartfelt thanks to me for coming for interview.

The following day, the agency phoned,
. “How do you think it went”
“Well, that’s tempting fate;  but I think I went down pretty well, actually”
“Good, but It’s odd I’ve heard nothing yet.”
“Early days yet. They’re probably wondering if they can afford me”

After a fortnight, the agency phoned in a rather off-hand way to say they weren’t going to proceed with considering my candidacy.

Before bounding irrepressibly after the next job, I must admit to being a bit puzzled by their change of attitude

I might never have known the end of the story had it not been for the strange way that the flotsam of the IT industry seems to circulate just like it does in the Sargasso sea.  The Insurance Company eventually got taken over or went bust, and its IT people were scattered to the four winds.  At that time, I was a senior manager in London, recruiting staff; and, as I sat down to interview a candidate I spotted the name of the insurance company on the CV. I looked up, and stared at the candidate long and hard.  Dammit, it was one of the Stepford Geeks who interviewed me on that day.  It all came back to me and, after exchanging pleasantries, I couldn’t help asking why on earth they’d seemed so keen to employ me one moment and had rejected me the next.  I was expecting the answer on the lines of my conceitedness but instead he said,
“We’d never had any intention of employing you then. We had no budget to employ you.”
“Why waste a day of my life then”
“Well, the business had raised the idea of a business Re-engineering project with us and so we felt the best way of finding out, coming up to speed was to interview some experts in the field. We had no budget to hire experts properly  at the time,  you see, so it seemed a good idea.”
“So I just had my brains sucked out then….”
“Well in a way. After we’d discussed and written up what you told us, which was brilliant, we went back to the business and managed to discourage them from going forward with the Business Reengineering Project at all. So you would never have been needed.”
“But.. but… had you ..er.. considered the ethical dimension of this? What about my wasted day?”

He looked genuinely puzzled, and blinked at me for a few seconds in bewilderment.
“The IT director found out the whole story. He was very shocked and told us to damned well put it all right.  We felt pretty bad about it I can tell you. We phoned the agency, and explained that it wasn’t your fault that we couldn’t make the appointment, but that you’d been so helpful that we’d pay you two days consultancy fee plus travelling expenses. The Agency billed us and we paid. A few weeks later we asked the agency for two weeks consultancy from you but they said you’d got another job.”

Needless to say, the agency had long disappeared when I tried to contact them later that afternoon.