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Review of "Really Bad Advice for SQL Server Administrators" (Technological Perspective)
This document is clearly a satirical piece aimed at highlighting poor practices in SQL Server administration. While humorous, its tone may be misinterpreted by novice readers as genuine advice. Below, I address key points raised in the article and provide a brief explanation of why each is bad practice, supported by technical reasoning.

1. System Testing in Production
Why This is Bad: Production environments are live systems where real users interact. Testing in production risks data corruption, user dissatisfaction, and service outages. Proper testing environments with realistic datasets and load simulation tools are essential for quality assurance.
Best Practice: Use isolated staging environments that mimic production for testing. Employ CI/CD pipelines and automated tests to catch errors early.

2. Using as Few Servers as Necessary
Why This is Bad: Running multiple services (e.g., SQL Server, SSIS, and Web Servers) on a single machine creates resource contention, performance bottlenecks, and a single point of failure.
Best Practice: Distribute services across dedicated servers or use containerization and cloud-based solutions for scalability and fault tolerance.

3. Auto-Shrink to Keep Data Files Lean
Why This is Bad: Auto-shrink repeatedly expands and contracts the database, causing fragmentation and degrading performance. It's a known anti-pattern.
Best Practice: Monitor and manage database growth proactively, adjusting file sizes manually as needed.

4. Autogrow for Self-Managing Files
Why This is Bad: While autogrow is a useful safety feature, relying solely on it indicates poor capacity planning. Frequent autogrow events can lead to performance degradation.
Best Practice: Pre-size databases based on anticipated growth and monitor storage usage regularly.

5. The SA Account Saves Time
Why This is Bad: Using a single shared admin account increases the risk of unauthorized access and complicates auditing. A "well-known" password is a significant security vulnerability.
Best Practice: Implement the principle of least privilege, use individual accounts with role-based access, and enforce strong password policies.

6. Indexes on Binary-Valued Columns
Why This is Bad: Indexes on low-cardinality columns (e.g., binary flags) offer minimal performance benefits and consume unnecessary resources.
Best Practice: Use indexes selectively on columns with high cardinality or when they support frequently queried data patterns.

7. Keep Server Memory Low for Large Databases
Why This is Bad: SQL Server heavily relies on memory for caching and query execution. Limiting memory forces frequent disk I/O, significantly slowing performance.
Best Practice: Allocate ample memory based on workload, and follow SQL Server's memory configuration guidelines.

8. ORMs for Optimal Database Code
Why This is Bad: ORMs often generate inefficient SQL and lack fine-grained control over query optimization. Avoiding database-specific features limits performance.
Best Practice: Use ORMs selectively alongside hand-optimized queries for critical operations. Leverage database-specific features where appropriate.

9. Using NOLOCK in Every Query
Why This is Bad: NOLOCK can lead to dirty reads, data inconsistencies, and unpredictable results, especially in high-concurrency environments.
Best Practice: Use appropriate isolation levels based on application requirements. Consider READ COMMITTED or SNAPSHOT isolation for consistent reads.

10. Default MAXDOP Settings
Why This is Bad: Default MAXDOP settings (often 0) can cause inefficient parallelism, leading to contention and suboptimal performance.
Best Practice: Configure MAXDOP based on server hardware and workload, following Microsoft's recommendations.

11. No Backup for BI Systems
Why This is Bad: Assuming ETL pipelines can recreate data ignores the risks of human error, pipeline failures, and extended downtime during recovery.
Best Practice: Maintain regular backups for all databases, including BI systems. Periodically test restore processes.

12. Row-by-Row Processing (RBAR) Instead of Set-Based Operations
Why This is Bad: Row-by-row processing is significantly slower than set-based operations, as SQL Server is optimized for set-based query execution.
Best Practice: Write queries that operate on sets of data rather than iterating through rows.

Conclusion

The document is an effective humorous critique of common SQL Server mismanagement practices. However, it risks misinterpretation if taken literally. The importance of adhering to best practices—such as maintaining security, scalability, and performance—cannot be overstated.

Suggestion: Add a clear disclaimer at the beginning, emphasizing that the advice is intentionally bad and should not be followed. This will help ensure the content is understood as satire.